Barry, This Is Happening

Retro gamers, unite! FX is making an Archer pinball machine!

Now you can relax and blow off – phrasing – some steam with Archer, Lana, and quite possibly Babou the ocelot.

The Twitter community had an enormous impact on getting the Archer table greenlit from an idea and into production. Seeing the fan response and seeing the story get picked up in the media inspired a lot of confidence in us that an Archer table would be well-received. The team at Floyd County were very supportive, pushing the story up the chain at FX and Fox in an almost grassroots kind of way, up to the executive level, prompting serious consideration for a team-up.

I think what we’re most proud of is that the vibe of the show and the smart humor really shines through. There is a really cool shooting mini-game, and Archer’s spy car actually drives onto the table and off a ramp.

Um, the “spy car” is actually a Dodge Challenger with such amenities as anti-pursuit counter measures, twin .30 caliber machine guns and a functioning wet bar in the glove box. It is most definitely sploosh-worthy.

Another Princess Has Arrived!

Longtime reader, commenter, and real-life friend Jenn is now a mother!

“Stephen and I are thrilled to announce the birth of our daughter, Victoria Elizabeth. Born yesterday, October 21st at 9:02 am weighing an even 9 lbs after a very long and intense labour ending with an emergency c-section.”

Congratulations Jenn and Stephen. She is absolutely beautiful!

Axe Me Anything

It’s rare to see the town elders ask questions of the village idiot, but that is exactly what I am offering you this weekend.

In a new segment entitled, “Axe Me Anything,” you the reader, can ask me, the blogger, anything. Anything at all. No question is too big, no word is too big (for I have an online dictionary).

This is my latest attempt to get folks interacting here, and pulling the blog toward the success of yesteryear. (Which means I will probably fail miserably.) So, feel free to submit your questions in the comments section from now through Sunday evening, and I’ll have answers for you Monday afternoon.

Video Killed The Politics Star

(Photo credit: @ParvaSaeua)
Hillary Clinton testified yesterday before a congressional committee investigating her actions – or inaction – during the 2012 Benghazi attacks. Mrs. Clinton treated the matter with all the respect and seriousness of someone doing stand-up comedy.

Republican Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan took issue with former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton‘s comment that protests had erupted in both Cairo, Egypt and Benghazi, Libya, citing evidence from the House Select Committee’s investigation stating that no protest of any kind had occurred in Benghazi. He then went on to quote from various State Department spokespersons who, in the weeks following the Sept. 11, 2012 attack, claimed that the incident in Benghazi was linked to the Cairo-based protest, which was a reaction to an offensive online video.

“Calling it an attack is like saying the sky is blue. Of course it was an attack! The statement you sent out was a statement on Benghazi, and you say ‘vicious behavior as a response to inflammatory material on the Internet.’ If that’s not pointing at its motive being the video, I don’t know what is.”

Clinton’s retort was as flippant as you would expect.

“I wrote a whole chapter about this in my book, Hard Choices. I’d be glad to send it to you, congressman.”

A glib administration has been running this country into the ground for seven years. Do we really want another puerile president leading this country to ruin?

Where There’s A Will, There’s A Weigh

Since I was a teenager, I have battled high cholesterol. Unlike others, my numbers were high because of genetics, not what I stuffed into my gullet. I currently take six pills a day to keep the numbers under control, and have blood tests every three months. (The meds can wreak havoc on my liver.)

In July, my numbers were good, but my sugars were high. I weighed in at 212 pounds at 5’9″. The doctor told me if I did not get my sugars down, he would put me on pre-diabetes medicine. His remedy for avoiding that nightmare scenario was a brand new diet/lifestyle, which including eliminating carbohydrates from my diet.

Now, I am not exactly a person who wields willpower like a lightsaber. I don’t drink much, but I eat like a fiend; moreso when I am stressed. (And you folks who know me realize I am stressed every hour of every day.) The doc, however, scared me straight. I could do this, I told myself, if I sucked it up and worked on it.

I now average about twenty carbs a day – I don’t miss sugary foods, soft pretzels, and pizza at all – and walk at least four miles every day I can get out.

I stepped on the scale yesterday and it read 181.6.

In three months, I’ve lost 31 pounds, have gotten rid of a ton of clothes, and an mow easily fitting into larges, instead of the dreaded XLs. (One female co-worker snarkily asked if I had AIDS.) In fact, I look exactly like Chris Hemsworth (above), if I grew my hair, dyed it, lifted weights, and had facial reconstruction surgery. Otherwise? Dead ringer!

If you’re looking to shed some pounds, consider cutting down on your carbs. You don’t have to go all Nazi with it like I did, but cutting out sugars, potatoes, and breads will do wonders. I’m living proof.

There’s a before and after pic below the fold.

Sorry for the expression on the right. Not sure why I’m squinting, and not smiling.

Taking The Rohrbach Test

I know what you’re thinking: this is another one of Wyatt’s fluff posts written solely to draw out readers and comments. Well, yes and no.

This is Kelly Rohrbach, a 25-year old smoking hawt model who any man would pluck out his own eyes to bang. Kelly is gorgeous and she knows it – I hate women like that – but instead of calling me, she shacked up with Leonardo Freakin’ DiCaprio.

She’s managed to pin down Hollywood heartthrob Leonardo DiCaprio. And it’s not hard to see why Kelly Rohrbach has succeeded in winning the 40-year-old actor’s heart as she puts on a seductive display in the pages of France’s Jalouse magazine.

The 25-year-old beauty looks sensational while posing on the Havard college campus for the back-to-school themed shoot, modelling in an array of thigh-skimming looks.

Rohrbach is 25, and DiCaprio is 40. Okay, I realize age in a relationship is not a factor anymore – especially in Hollywood – but how is Leonardo DiCaprio still a thing? The dude has been living off Titanic for eighteen years now. His current girlfriend was seven when it premiered. I mean, come on, man… leave some tail for the rest of us!

Puerto Rico: Too Big To Fail?

When I was a little stripling, my mother took a data entry job at Pan Am Airways. She worked out of Northeast Philadelphia Airport, which resembled the ramshackle terminal from the series “Wings.”

One of the benefits of mom’s employment was the airfare employee discount, and for some reason, my parents decided to take us to Puerto Rico when I was a teenager. It wasn’t exactly DisneyWorld, but what the hell? The beaches were nice, the water was clear, but the area surrounding the resorts was a war zone.

Now, the “president” wants to take my tax dollars and bail out this Detroit-By-The-Sea.

The Obama administration is calling on Congress to provide Puerto Rico with the support it needs to emerge from a serious debt crisis.

The administration proposed a program that calls on Congress to approve restructuring of Puerto Rico’s debt burden and provide oversight for a credible recovery plan. The plan calls for reforms to Puerto Rico’s Medicaid program.

The administration says without congressional action Puerto Rico will face a “long and difficult recovery that could have harmful consequences for the residents on the island and beyond.”

Pardon my Croatian, but who give a shit? Puerto Rico is not an American state, and many of those citizens who emigrate here – at least here in Philadelphia – are highly unappreciative of what this country has to offer. The villain in the Puerto Rican debt crisis is Puerto Rico. They made their entitlement-strewn hammock; now they can lie in it.

Let’s Play "Guess The State"

Dear zombiephiles, I realize your entire world revolves around the undead, but zombies are about as legitimate as Hillary Clinton’s southern accent.

Police were searching Monday for a man who opened fire at a Florida weekend event celebrating zombie pop culture, killing one person, injuring six others and sending thousands of attendees scrambling for cover.

The suspect was described by police as a “white or possibly Hispanic” male in his late teens or early twenties, dressed in a black T-shirt and a flat-billed black and red baseball cap. The suspect was seen firing a black semi-automatic handgun before fleeing the scene.

Revelers were out late Saturday evening for the annual Zombicon community fundraising event when gun shots rang out as costumed festivity goers ran through the streets of downtown Fort Myers, creating confusion over who was hurt due to zombie props, fake blood and wounds.

Why is it always Florida? I’m torn as to this piece of garbage’s motives. On the one hand, it is extremely likely he is your average American psychopath. On the other hand, he may be dumb enough to believe the zombies were real. Either way, I hope the authorities aim for his head. It’s the only way to be sure he won’t reanimate.

The Princess Has Arrived!

My cousin, former co-blogger, and All-American Guy Dr. Evil is now a proud father! Dr. Evil and the Evil Surgeon welcomed Emma Tracy into the world last night.

The beautiful princess came in at 6 pounds, and 12 ounces, and 20 3/4 inches long.

The Evil Surgeon and the Princess are doing well, though all three of them can use some sleep.

Emma Tracy is their first child, so I assume Dr. Evil will revere her and kowtow to her every whim. You know, like I do with Julia.

Congratulations, guys! She is a beautiful little girl!

UPDATE: I misspelled Emma’s name in the first sentence. Consider it corrected.

Throw Up Your Hands, We Want Your Bullets!

Battle reenactments occasionally attract some intelligent history buffs. They also tend to attract irresponsible, mindless dolts.

A reenactment of an Old West street gunfight got a bit too real in a US town. The incident went down on Sunday in Tombstone, as members of the Tombstone Vigilantes played out a gunfight before some 1,000 tourists.

Tombstone Marshall Bob Randall [said] one of the actors had arrived late for the show and failed to have his gun checked – to make sure it had blank bullets – before he faced off with a fellow actor.

“When Tom Carter fired his gun, Ken Curtis fell to the ground,” Randall said. “He was shot in the lower groin area.”

A woman watching the show was also grazed in the neck by a bullet but refused medical care and additional bullet fragments struck nearby buildings.

Thanks to this jackass, the gunfight reenactments have been suspended until further notice.

We were in Arizona in 2006 visiting my friend Kevin. The weather was gorgeous – hot, sunny days. All I wanted to do was see the reenactment, and when we went to Tombstone, it was canceled… because of rain.